Sitting in your car in the mornings, on your way to work, don’t you ever just look at some of the people in the cars around you and wonder who they are? Beneath that layer of modern world expectation, dressed in 21st-century workwear, painted with a “town-friendly smile”? Ready to face another day, filled with memes, colleagues and the Newcastillian.
But as we have all come to learn, as the years go by, people have secrets and living in a community, driven by gossip such as ours, keeping those secrets silent, is imperative to ensuring you maintain your hard earned reputation.
However, let us not stand on ceremony, being true to our unbiased, honest media ethos, the Newcastillian found some individuals who showed some major courage, bringing forward their stories.
“According to a new survey from erotic retailer Ann Summers. 2,300 people were surveyed and a massive 75 percent of people have a fetish— at least one. ”
Quoted from: https://www.bustle.com/articles/190171-how-many-people-have-a-sexual-fetish-its-more-common-than-you-think-but-its-still
William* is a 37-year-old male who enjoys role-playing. He is the “poster boy” for normal, a real good, homegrown Newcastle guy.
“My fetish is rather tame compared to the many others out there, as it merely involves a vivid imagination and a dirty sense of humour,” William laughs.
William and his partner dress up as fictional characters from either the cartoon, comic or movie worlds. “I might get dressed up as Batman and my girlfriend as Catwoman. We will then play out a storyline where I catch her, and we land up sleeping together.”
William says he might even play the villain who traps and dominates the heroine. “It all depends on our mood and what captures our imagination at that point in time.
But why indulge in role-playing?
“I have a career which sees me interacting with an array of people, from professional businesspeople to lawyers and the average Joe. Because I always have to be professional, this is a form of escape. At that moment, I don’t have to be me. Also, sex is something special and if you just do the standard styles, it becomes boring afterwards. And why not have a good laugh during sex? Why must it be such a serious subject? It is all about love and having fun.”
The biggest misconception people have about role-playing is that it is perverted. “It isn’t perverted at all. We are people who like to escape reality and have fun. No one ever gets hurt. It is all about two consenting adults remembering that sex is magical. Also, if my partner doesn’t want to indulge in role-playing on a certain night, it is okay. I like standard sex just as much,” William explains.
Giles* is a 25-year-old man who indulges in queening. Being a friendly, happy person, Giles is your typical, Newcastle good guy.
“It is also known as kinging and facesitting. It involves one partner sitting on the other partner’s face,” Giles explains.
What is it about this fetish that turns him on?
“Almost everyone enjoys oral, whether they want to admit it or not. This is just a more intimate version,” he says.
How did he get into ‘queening’?
Laughing, Giles says his fetish came about when he was 19 years old. “I was dating this girl and one day, I went to visit her while her parents were out of town for the weekend. We were kissing when she suddenly pushed me down and sat on my face. From there, I was hooked.”
What emotions does he gain from it?
“It is all about pleasure for both me and the woman. As I said, it is just a more intimate version of oral. The woman and I usually take turns and as unusual as it might sound to some, it is fun,” he laughs.
As fun as it is, Giles says it isn’t a topic he usually talks about except with close friends. “In my line of work, I encounter a lot of people and I need to be professional at all times. If something like this gets out, people will think I am a pervert. Which I am not. I am in a steady relationship and I will only indulge in queening if I know I can trust my girlfriend fully.”
In Newcastle being able to live a dual identity is fundamental to your livability in our conservative community. This we all know, but for people like Giles, having your career under threat for a private, consensual act, shouts about us as people. And not in a good way.
Naresh* is a 30-year-old bisexual man who enjoys wearing sexy underwear, voyeurism, exhibitionism and sex toys.
“I started with my fetishes about eight years ago, when I started to learn more about myself and I realised I had these interests.”
What makes his fetishes fun?
“Well with voyeurism just the thrill of watching or being watched just excites me. It is an adrenaline rush. As an exhibitionist/nudist, being out in the open, in nature or indoors in just my birthday suit, is quite relaxing and free.”
As for the sexy underwear, Naresh says he enjoys the experience it offers. “Just that feeling of wearing it makes me feel naughty on the inside, it also makes me feel good about myself and puts that extra spring in my step.”
Indulging in more than one fetish, does Naresh feel local people tend to be judgemental towards those who have fetishes?
“Yes, people do tend to judge those with fetishes. I think it is because they don’t think it’s normal. Society frowns upon fetishes because society says what is right and wrong. The truth is, most people have fetishes. Some just don’t act out on it with their partner or potential partner out of fear of being judged,” Naresh says.
Despite people judging fetishes, Naresh says they do play a positive role in a relationship.
“Fetishes help bring back that lost spark. It is always good to try new things and explore. You also will learn more about yourself.”
What advice can Naresh give to people?
“Some people think fetishes like sexy underwear and sex toys can only go one way. It doesn’t matter what gender you are. Women and men can both wear sexy underwear and use sex toys. Also, with BDSM, women can be the dominant one while the man can be the submissive role. It can also be difficult to bring up your sexual fetishes with a new partner, partially because of a massive misunderstanding about fetishes in general. A lot of us don’t understand these things and the lack of understanding can lead to shame,” Naresh concludes.
As interesting as Gile’s, William’s and Naresh’s stories are, it seems there are women within our community who will make you really think twice the next time you see a Mom in double-cab fetching her children from a well-known school.
Mary* is a 37-year-old mother of two. Reflecting the image of a stereotypical “soccer mom”. However, Newcastle raised Mary, has a secret that will shock her colleagues, friends….and husband.
“My fetish is BDSM and one of the biggest misconceptions about BDSM is that people think there has to be something wrong with you to enjoy this.”
For those who don’t know, BDSM is an abbreviation for erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, submission, dominance and sadomasochism as well as other related interpersonal dynamics.
Within this world, there are those who like to dominate their sexual partner and those who enjoy being submissive and controlled.
“I am a submissive and this means I enjoy certain things others might view as deviant,” Mary smiles.
Being a submissive means being tied up and dominated. But this can’t be safe, can it?
“When it comes to BDSM, we believe in safe, sane and consensual. Regardless of your fetish and kinks within BDSM, these three words are always a priority. There also must be immense trust between you and your partners. Because you must know, if you use the safe word to stop, your partner will actually stop.”
A lot of discussion, training and preparation also goes into a fun night of BDSM. “If you tie the ropes wrong, you can stop the blood circulation which is unhealthy. So, you need to practice on how to tie the ropes properly. Then you must discuss your expectations with your partner. It is not just about getting naked and smacking each other around. There is a line between abuse and your BDSM fetish.
What emotions can one possibly get out of this form of sexual fetish?
“It is important to realise there are different types of people when it comes to BDSM. You get those who pay a dominatrix to whip them. Then you get those who have been married for 40 years and BDSM is a part of who they are,” Mary begins.
For those couples who indulge in this lifestyle, Mary says there is a heightened sense of respect and trust. “You get a sense of peace out of it, as there is also something therapeutic about BDSM. At the same time, you acknowledge a part of yourself that you are born with.”
However, as BDSM is frowned upon by some, Mary says she needs to be careful who she talks to in Newcastle about her fetish. “People tend to judge you, thinking there is something wrong with you. Also, you need to be careful about other people involved in BDSM, as there are weirdos out there.”
Mary does face a large problem, her husband does not enjoy the BDSM scene, nor does he truly understand the interest in it. Therefore, she has to live a double life and indulge in the BDSM world with a partner which she met three years ago.
The list of people who live among us, whom live these double lives is truly astonishing. We like to ignore the fact that the world, our country and people have seriously changed. We are not sheltered but are rather expressive people exploding with emotion, beyond any generation before us.
But Most of all, we are learning that everyone is trying their utmost to keep the favour of the community, their family and peers. Whilst still, through many prescribed or Youtube driven coping mechanisms, just maybe discover who they are.
There are however people who strongly believe this is all nonsense. A choice or feeling which should be snubbed in its infancy stages, out of respect for one’s life and self. These people, present a strong arguing point, which really gets you thinking. But I guess that is for you to decide.
“You first need to ask, what is normal? I am one of those who has learned to push all my sexual desires aside. I might get married and have children one day, I can also see someone and think they are sexually attractive. But I don’t need to act out on my desires,” says Charles*.
Charles explains he has mastered his sexual desires to such an extent, that he does not crave it. It is through this lifestyle he has learned valuable lessons.
“I believe if you have a fetish, you have created a desire for yourself and you will never truly be happy because you are always chasing that one desire. You experienced it once and you just have to have it more and more, which to a degree causes a level of unhappiness in your life,” he explains.
To end off, we choose how we live and I think freedom of self is vital to your basic human rights. Free of judgement and persecution. However, living in a small, religious community, which is overflowing with staunch upbringings and values, one needs to be conscious and mindful.
*Due to the nature of the article and the professions of the individuals involved, names needed to be changed for their protection.